Social PhobiaAnger, Anxiety and Depression are often based on other people.  These 6 Strategies for Dealing with People could help

Anxiety or Anger around dealing with people and how they are behaving or what we ‘think’ they are saying or thinking is regularly part of what people seek help for.  Even when it’s not directly why someone has come for hypnotherapy, it’s usually in there somewhere – frustration, upset or anger centred around interaction with other people.  Some people take all the blame onto themselves affecting their social confidence while others see everyone else at fault and don’t understand why other people don’t have any common courtesy.  Sometimes it’s loved ones, family, work colleagues, friends or other people they know, but equally, it can be complete strangers.

Here are 6 things to consider about anxiety or stress when dealing with people:-

  1. You cannot control how someone else is behaving or what they are saying, but you can change the way you are dealing with it.

  2. Neither are you responsible for someone else action, they are, so don’t take the blame onto yourself.

  3. Try not to take what people are saying personally, it’s probably not about you, it says more about what they are feeling or going through.

  4. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.  So, if you change how you react to someone, they will have no choice but to change how they act towards you.

  5. Accept people for who they are; everyone is different, everyone has different life experiences which have shaped who they are.  So don’t expect them to have the same beliefs and understanding as you or behave in the same way you would, they can’t read your mind.

  6. On that note – remember, you can’t read anyone else mind either.  We often imagine what someone else is thinking or why they have done something, but what you’re actually doing is judging them by your own actions or understanding.  You have no idea what they are thinking, trying will only cause you anxiety.

The last point or ‘mind reading’ is something almost everyone is guilty of from time to time, believing they ‘should’ know something you know already, like how to behave politely in society or you may over analyse and read too much into messages, conversations, lack of communication.   The fact is you don’t know, but it is a very human trait to have difficulty dealing with ambiguity – humans can’t cope with not knowing, so you use your imagination to fill in the blanks and you are actually completely making it up and believing it.  If you can step back from the situation from time to time and acknowledge you don’t know the answer, you will have to wait or ask and can accept that gap in your knowledge, your anxiety or anger around the situation will subside.  It is imagining scenarios and believing them which winds you up and causes anxiety or anger, so learn to accept ambiguity and let the unknown be unknown, it is far less stressful.

There are three main personalty archetypes we teach about at Old Town Hypnotherapy which helps you to not only understand yourself and how you operate, but also helps you understand those around you better which improves your relationships with them.

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