To be or Not to be? – That is the question
Act 3, Scene 1, Page 3 of Hamlet by William Shakespeare
The answer? – Anything you want it to be, its YOUR choice
Ok, so I’m using artistic license a little to digress from Shakespear’s literal meaning in Hamlet and I’m no literally scholar, but I’m considering the meaning from the perspective of how clients define themselves and how changing our mindset changes our very being and how we define ourselves.
It all comes down to belief systems – our map of our world, how things look to us, what we understand about life, what we’ve chosen to believe and what makes sense. The important words here are ‘belief’ and ‘choice’ and we all CAN choose what we believe to be true.
I have many people come to hypnotherapy with a certain and solid belief that ‘worrying’ is normal for everyone. I hear phrases such as ‘I’m a bit of a worrier’, ‘I worry about things, but that’s normal isn’t it?’ or my favourite “Yes, but everyone worries don’t they?”, it’s my favourite because I get to say “No, they don’t” and the reaction I get is mostly one of complete wonder, it’s the first time they have heard it and it’s a complete eye opener.
Our mindsets hold us back and prevent us from achieving our true potential is so many different areas of life, we’ve got the worrier or the opposite end of the scale, the depressive or the person who believes they’ve got depression, but actually, they’re just miserable, but get into the belief system that they’ve got depression and it’s almost becomes an excuse for not doing anything and being even more miserable – controversial, I know, but sometimes saying things up front which deliberately challenges a belief system is an effective way of opening minds to different possibilities. Anyone can stop worrying and anyone can decide they’re going to do something about being miserable and get happy.
Mindsets in business and career can make or break us: What’s the difference between someone who earns £15,000 a year, someone who earns £40,000 a year, the 6 figure salary or the millionaire – mindset. For all of you who have just thought – “Yeh, right but I’ll never be a millionaire” – I rest my case Your Honour! Do you think Lord Alan Sugar was thinking “I’m a barrow boy” back in those early days or has ever thought “I’ll never be a millionaire”. He was bought up in a council flat and left school at 16, but he chose a different life and did it.
We all have that ability, some of us are just choosing a different life for ourselves. If you think “wow, I’m really lucky I earn £30k a year, I doing really well” then you are limiting yourself – don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking people who earn £30k, but if you don’t look beyond your own limitations, you’ll never move beyond that limit you’ve set for yourself.
We can all learn to think in a different way about ourselves and our lives and when we make a decision, without any ambiguity, about how we want things to be, what we’re going to change, we can make it happen. We might need to learn new skills or gain more knowledge, but the point is, once we decide on a path or a course of action or thought, it is just a matter of doing it. – hey presto, we’ve changed our belief system.
You can BE who ever you want TO BE. It is just a matter of doing it.
How we think determines how we feel and how we feel determines how we behave. So if you “I am successful” and you define the parameters of what successful means, then you will be that. Lets to back to the person above who has clearly defined £30k as successful, then they’re doing it and they have given themselves permission to think “I’m successful” at £30K, but what if you defined success as £100K and decided to be successful – how quickly do you think you would bypass the £30K mark? As fast as you want to, but when you believe £100k as successful, £30k is just a point on the journey to success, not your end point.
Set you goals high and that’s what you’ll get – even if you don’t quite reach your goal, you will get near it. Do the person who believes they’re successful earning £30k – get to £90k? – not while they are believing £30K is good. But does the person who is aiming for £100k, get to £90k – yes, and beyond. What happens when you reach that £100K – MOVE THE GOALPOST – set it even higher.
OK, I’ve focused on earnings, but the rules apply to just about everything in life and you can take deliberate and considered control over it. When I get up in the morning, I have a 10 minute exercise I do which sets my mindset for the day. I particularly use it for developing my businesses, but more and more, it is becoming defining who I am for the day and it goes like this.
I list 5 things which I am happy about doing/achieving/feeling from the day before, examples could be
- I had a really great conversation with my mum
- I wrote my blog for the week
- I did all the washing
- I listened to a bunch of podcasts which really motivated me
- I went running to the pier and back.
I then list 5 things which I am grateful or I appreciate
- I really appreciate Karen’s (Swindon Hypnotherapist) support and enthusiasm, she has been really motivating for me this week.
- I’m grateful for hooking up with some lovely new friends in Brighton I’ve met
- I appreciate the wonderful environment I live in and the warm, friendly people I’ve met here.
- I am grateful for having a Dad who has shown me how to think without limitations (recent realisation)
- I appreciate my solid friendships from school, 2 wonderful inspiring women who never fail to ground me, support me and are always there when I need a pick me up.
I decide how I’m going to feel today – what is going to be my dominant feeling. It could be inspired, motivated, creative, confident, energised, The Best, trusting, patient.
Then, because I use this for business, I connect with my Inner Business Expert, but if it was a personal exercise, I could just decide to connect with my Inner Guide or my Inner Expert on ME and I choose just 5 actions which will support in my business growth or my personal growth or just 5 positive actions I’m going to do today. I encourage many of my clients to do this one, and depending on where they are in their life, it can just be 1 thing and it’s all relative – and I’ve had clients say “today, I’m going to get up before 12 noon”, this is a particular person who had believed they had depression for many years and for much of that time had struggled to get out of bed at all most days, so for them to decide they were going to get out of bed before 12 was momentous, and guess what – they did it and the sense of achievement and satisfaction they felt for actually doing it was huge. But it is important, VITAL, even that you focus on something you are GOING to do and not something you are NOT GOING to do. (This will be the subject of another blog) When you focus and decide on goals or even the small steps towards those goals as a bite size action for the day, they’re going to happen.
Everything I don’t get done or can’t control for that day, I then delegate it to the universe. It doesn’t matter how big it is or what it is – throw it to the Universe, it will take care of it for you and trust it to. LET IT GO!
This is my Wild Hair Intention – I love this one, its crazy, huge, outrageous and really out there and then give that to the Universe. I imagine everything I wanted to achieve had been achieved, then what else would I do. Do I need it – No, but would it be cool to have it – YES! Ask for something BIG.
The last thing, but hugely important, is write about something you want to happen, but write about it as if it has already happened. I find it helpful to write as if I’m writing to someone I know well, like one of my BFs and write in past tense. Include as much details as you can, imagine it, see it, feel those feelings as if you’ve already done it and just free write and see what happens.
Then sign and date it – do not forget to do this bit.
Jeanne Gabinelli and amazing American Coach.
Do this every day, when you get into practice, it takes just 10 minutes and you can start to imagine, behave and believe beyond the limitations of your current belief system and push the boundaries of your existence.
To be or not to be – it’s a belief system. Who do you want TO BE?
Today, my dominant feeling is ‘Peaceful’.